Conflict Averse

15 "If your brother or sister sins against you, go and point out the fault when the two of you are alone. If they listen to you, you have regained that one. 16 But if you are not listened to, take one or two others along with you, so that every word may be confirmed by the evidence of two or three witnesses. 17 If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if the offender refuses to listen even to the church, let such a one be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector."

(Matthew 18:15-17)

Many people try to avoid conflict at all costs but, in any kind of relationship, conflict comes with the territory. We do, however, have the power to choose how we handle that conflict and how we treat those with whom we disagree. Jesus' instruction in Matthew 18 seems simple (though not easy): take up the concern directly with the person, if they can not be convinced, include more people - not as additional voices, but as viewers and listeners - unless and until the community deems the matter settled, either by agreement or agreeing to disagree.

Living out Jesus' model often gets messy because everyone wants to be right, and each person, on each side of any issue can often claim to have been wronged (or sinned against) by another. But, the antidote to this is humility. If we can choose to humbly see the humanity in everyone, recognizing that we all come to every interaction with baggage then, even when we must boldly stand for a greater good, we'll realize we don't have to stand against each other. As we bind up systems of oppression and harm, we can loose, with forgiveness, our brothers, our sisters, and ourselves, who may perpetuate and profit from such systems - trusting Jesus, in our midst, to change hearts and minds as we journey together.

18 Truly I tell you, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven. 19 Again, truly I tell you, if two of you agree on earth about anything you ask, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven. 20 For where two or three are gathered in my name, I am there among them." (Matthew 18:18-20)