One-sided Grace
11 Then David took hold of his clothes and tore them; and all the men who were with him did the same. 12 They mourned and wept, and fasted until evening for Saul and for his son Jonathan, and for the army of the Lord and for the house of Israel, because they had fallen by the sword. (2 Samuel 1:11-12)
After David's victory over Goliath, and the adoration and acclaim that came with that victory, David's relationship with Saul grew increasingly complicated. Although Saul served as David's mentor, when it became obvious that God's spirit had left Saul and was now strengthening David, Saul could not contain his anger and jealousy. Perhaps, unable to forgive himself for his own unfaithfulness, Saul could not imagine seeking mercy from God. On several occasions throughout 1 Samuel, Saul tried to kill David, but David refused to lay a hand on "the Lord's anointed" himself - nor did he lead those who would have fought on his behalf to do so. David honored Saul's calling and the fact that God had anointed him king even though Saul did not honor his own calling and the
anointing had been passed to David.
So often we lash out at God the same way Saul acted out of fear and insecurity toward David. We choose to bear the full weight of our unfaithfulness - in effect, throwing ourselves on our sword like Saul - rather than throwing ourselves at the feet of Grace and Mercy. David's patience for and trust in God's timing enabled David to mourn and honor his mentor in death rather than rejoice at the fall of an enemy. God's grace toward us is always a one-sided affair - we can never hope to repay the gift we've been given. But because of the forgiveness we have received, we are freed to lift others even when we don't see or understand
God's movement in and through them.
1 Out of the depths I cry to you, O LORD. 2 Lord, hear my voice! Let your ears be attentive to the voice of my supplications! 3 If you, O LORD, should mark iniquities, Lord, who could stand? 4 But there is forgiveness with you, so that you may be revered. 5 I wait for the LORD, my soul waits, and in his word I hope; 6 my soul waits for the Lord more than those who watch for the morning, more than those who watch for the morning. (Psalm 130:1-6)
